Wednesday, April 18, 2012

對自己比對陌生人還要冷酷

我是一個對自己比對陌生人還要冷酷的人。 

我發現我第一次對自己的排斥是出自於自己的不完美。 

我沒能和我的哥哥有著一樣的待遇所以我比他更加努力。 

我告訴我自己功課一定要比他還要好,我告訴我自己音樂一定要比他還要好等等。 

這麼一來可能我的父母還有婆婆可以認同我。 

我一直徘徊在有沒有人認同我的存在感而感到難過。 

我曾經一度排斥我的中文名字。 

以前我常常問自己司徒子佳的子是在望子成龍嗎? 

後來我聽說我的名字是從我哥哥名字那兒改了一點而形成的。 

聽起來也好不到哪裡去,但總比望子成龍來得好。 

後來我也發現這是一件無聊又毫無意義的事,因為一山還有一山高。 

如果我的目標一直處在於我的哥哥的成就上,那麼我將永遠無法成長。 

還有問題出在於我的成績一直以來都比他好,音樂也比他好,其實也沒什麼好比的。

Friday, April 6, 2012

LASALLE Enrollment

Today is a public holiday (Good Friday) so everyone is resting at home! In addition to that, today is my dad's birthday! Happy birthday dad!

2 days ago I went to LASALLE to submit my school fees so it is confirmed that I have enrolled into the school. I am so happy!

On 31st of March they were having their 1st audition and I was super anxious as they did not inform me. So the day before, I called them and asked them when is my audition scheduled. To my surprise, they said that I do not need to go for the audition/interview. I was very shocked! Asking myself: "Am I not chosen for the course?!" After a few seconds, I felt very relieved to hear that I have entered into the course without having to go for their audition/interview! I kept asking: "Really?!" to have it confirmed as I couldn't believe my ears.

I have been wondering since that day if there is actually a audition/interview for students wanting to enroll into the music technology course. Maybe a portfolio is good enough? Anyway anything is just fine, if I were to go for the audition/interview, I would be shivering when the time comes.

Before I hung up the phone, the lady said she would send me the forms for enrollment later in the afternoon. Since then I have been checking the email every few hours worrying that I have heard wrongly. 2 to 3 days later, the letter of the enrollment has arrived at my mail box. I was like oh?! Why do I need to check my email every few hours when they sent me by postage.

After filling up and preparing the school fees, I went down to the school to submit my forms and fees. After that, I went to meet Anita in town.

I am so so looking forward to going to school! LASALLE here I come!

When I was in 1st year or 2nd year of poly, I visited LASALLE to do a project. I took pictures and drew some sketches of the building. I did not know that I am going to study there now. At that time I was wondering why my school doesn't have a nice building like LASALLE.

Woah life is full of surprises!  

It is such a nice school! School is opening on August and it is full of mystery to me now. I am so curious what is going to happen on the 1st day of school.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Options given from Money Cheater

I've been thinking of how to solve the money cheater issue for the past 3 days and I need to come out with a decision today because this is so so vexing!  Is this something that you have to learn at one part of your life? Money and people with no moral values.

There is a saying that we will keep thinking and saying about someone who is important to you and this unimportant person should be deleted from me.

He gave me 2 options:

A) He ask me to continue the lessons and finish the final project which he deeply believe that I could not finish it.

B) He ask me to learn singing from one of his students.

If I am given another option, I would choose to run away because I don't feel like seeing him. But no no no, running away cannot solve the problems and he owns me 13 hours and 45 minutes. My parents also don't agree with this option. But seriously who will be so thick skin to own people that many hours and still don't return me my $100 deposit. Oh ya! I should pay him only $168 instead of $268 last week!

I would be stupid if I choose B though I don't have to see him. I would just do the final project regardless whether he can finish teaching or not. So ok I choose A. So annoying.

Starting it starts off with the unwilling to let go the $100 deposit and now it has added another 0 behind. Ok Abigail starting from today you should handle money with proper care. A little lost is better than a bigger lost so don't be greedy.

Every encounter are life lessons and experiences that I have to overcome and learn so I might as well forgive myself for making such a big mistake. My ignorant and impulsive behavior has resulted to this. I should have know that when I look at such a bad insulation and the way he talk so fast until I am unable to react are instincts that tell me to think through first. Instincts can save me in one way or another but I chose not to believe it.

Dear Abigail, what have you learn today?

1) When you feel something amiss, just let it go instead of thinking about the deposit.
2) People who are thick skin and have no moral values, act ignorant and end this. If it does not work, occasionally shoot an arrow at him but don't shoot too many at one time.
3) My dad say: “对人讲人话,对鬼讲鬼话。” 老爸你说得对,我干吗要对一只鬼讲人话。
4) Few months ago Sam Ker's dad say: “有时候道德要随着事件而改变,不用直直的跟着,有时候你可以婉转一点。”

Dear damn you,

I will endure u for another 13 hours and 45 minutes and no more. You better return me my $100/-.

From my deepest sincerity,
 Abigail Seto

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