Wednesday, November 28, 2012

蛋糕的小故事


蛋糕甜甜的,入口即溶。

以它引人的外觀來呼喚他人來靠近。

吃的當下甜蜜蜜的,可是吃下去後就不會再出現第二個它。

可悲的是它一旦掉在地面上,就再也不再引人注目,也永遠不再完整。

甚至一般人也不會想要碰觸它。

這就是蛋糕的優與憂。

這也可能用來比喻對愛情的價值觀吧。

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Electronic and Noise Music

I've uploaded 2 songs in sound cloud! Click play below to listen!


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Mainstage Performance

Yesterday we had to perform an original using mainstage in school. We have to record the whole process down for our end of year portfolio and I felt so uncomfortable watching myself. But I still wanted to share it on my blog!

Basically my concept is to have repetition throughout the whole song with modulations, oscillators and drum loops coming in at different part of the piece. I have used the axiom 49 synth to play as my school provides it. I have played around using EFM1, ES2 and Ultrabeats to create some effects and drum loops.

Here you go!

Friday, October 12, 2012

My 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Finally I'm 21 already... I don't know I should be happy about it or be sad about it. I'm happy because I had an interesting and fun party but sad that I'm a year older.... NOOO! Time flies really fast and it is really too fast before I could react to anything. Oh man what am I typing about.

The theme of my party was: "Sports Marathon". I wanted to plan something like running man and it turned out to be different. In my opinion, the running man was a failed one. Oh well... Never mind. Apparently my friends loved the food... of course they should love it as it was really expensive. If they disliked the food, most likely my reaction would be T-T. Yeah sad! I ordered the Japanese cuisine from Stamford catering, I heard from my friends that Stamford catering provides quality food and can be really expensive. From my point of view, the quality of the food really does match up with the cost. Enough of the blabbering... I going to show the Japanese cuisine! Ok the picture doesn't look that tasty but that doesn't mean that it's not delicious.















I guess I really did have a pretty cool birthday party though at some point of the time it was kind of boring and awkward. I must really thank Aylwyn, Bryan and Steve for settling most of the problematic stuff doing that day, such as the deco, games, placing the furnitures and food. In addition to that, I must not leave out Sam and Jethro for helping me with the deco too. Last but not least I am grateful to people who had attended my party on that day. It will be super saddening if no one attended the party. Thanks people!

Before I conclude this, I have something to type to Marvin Teo though I know he doesn't read my blog. "Even though you gave me snowball, that doesn't mean I'm not unhappy with you breaking your promise. And you actually sent me Taiwan's club photos and forget to wish me happy birthday until I remind you. You are such a "nice" godbrother. I will always remember this bro! Snowball is going to stare at you tonight bro!"

Ok I'm done with this... Till the next time!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

不知道

我只不过刚离开你的身边不久,我已经开始想念你了。不知为何,我想的都是你。我无法理解为何自己的心情会变得如此奇怪。这种心情真的无法用言语来形容。人海茫茫之中,为什么偏偏是你呢?心中充满着千万个没有答案的疑问,我是否每天都要以这种纠结的心情来面对你?我真的不知道这是一时的意乱情迷还是我真的爱上了你。我真的不知道。

Monday, July 16, 2012

Love

I'm somebody who is very cool with emotions. When it comes to love, oh my god and I'm actually writing about this, I don't like to go in too deep. I once tweeted that "I treated you like how I touch the surface of the water because I don't want to get drenched." Actually I am really writing about how I treated the opposite sex. I actually thought that maybe one day I met a special someone my perspective would start to shift but till today I have not met the person. Or is it impossible to meet that kind of person?

One of my best friend actually told me that if I were to never get married, I can become his children's godmother and once in a while they would try to come visit me. He would try to whenever they have the time. When I heard that sentences came out from his mouth, I was really super sad. Then I asked myself am I always going to be alone forever?What is this?! Is he pitying me? My god!!!!

He also asked me to lower my standards. Actually is not that I don't lower my standards but I really don't feel anything. Why don't just conclude this that I'm helpless. I think I should.

Or maybe I scare I go into a r/s I would lose my freedom. Freedom is really very important to me as I don't like to be tied down. The world is so big and I realized how tiny I am, it's like asking me to work even harder and become a useful person one day. In this case, how can I be tied down by a person?

I don't know. Maybe that's the case or maybe I think too much.

Aaron's birthday

Not to miss that 12 of July was my elder brother's birthday! Here are some pics!







Friday, July 13, 2012

China, Kaiping Trip

I went to Kaiping from the 29th of June to the 2nd of July. Together with my dad, mum, uncle, aunt and cousin, we went there to get to know more about how our ancestors' way of living in the past and attended some Seto association activities.

Below are some photos that I would like to share.









Thursday, May 24, 2012

Inexperience

There comes a time when you will get to experience something new and show your inexperience. Just recently I went to a music school to teach violin. The first week of class was disastrous as I did not know what to do. I was given the task to teach students who are preparing to go for their exams in a few months time, in addition to that, I have to handle 2 5 years old kids.

During the first day of work, I went to meet the previous violin teacher who was supposed to hand over his student. Apparently he kept questioning me in front of his students. He vented his unhappiness towards me as the principal wanted him to leave right away. This has left me super clueless and irritated with how the principal solve this problem.

 In my previous perception, my violin teacher told me how good being a violin teacher was. He said I do not have to deal with too much social problems, the people I have to deal with are the parents and students. However it happened that I have to deal with the school staffs and impolitely the poor management after the violin teacher left.

Of course I know where I stand at this point of time. I am somebody who is lacking of experience and this school has given me the opportunity. From then on, I learn to endure. However endurance will be used up one day.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Music school that cheats money

The money cheater incident actually should have ended already but I am just unhappy with that cheat money teacher. If somebody can help me get my money back I would be more than happy. Towards the end of last month that teacher MSG me to arrange a class and apparently I have something on so I cancelled it. Then on he did not contact me anymore. He still owe me 12 hours and 15 mins but I don't feel like going for class. I don't have the time too because I am super busy.

If I don't get the money back, I feel I just throw my money into a deep sea? I feel like asking an authority to help out but how can I do it?

This is something to do with integrity and moral values. Apparently he has none. I have to emphasis again this people's park complex music school is just sucking my money. I am going to ask around how to solve this problem and hopefully somebody can help me.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Dream Jobs

When I was studying in kindergarten, my teacher asked us what kind of job I wanted to do. I did not really understand what she said and I copied what my classmate wrote... Which is a nurse.

As I grew older, at the age of 10, I started to really think about what I wanted to do in the future. Apparently I had 2 choices, one was to be an interior designer and my second choice was to become a teacher.

My dad works as an interior designer so like some kids, I wanted to grow up to be like my dad. So interior designer was one of my choices.

In addition to that, when I was younger, I used to be always lonely at home and the boys at home did not really liked mixing with me, the only girl. So when I went up to my brother and cousins and volunteered to teach them, at least I had an opportunity to talk to them. This motivated me to become a teacher when I grew older.

However my dream careers started to shift when I entered Secondary school. I realized my results are too lousy to become a teacher so I gave this dream up. I continued to study design and technology in secondary 3 to plan to become an interior designer in the future. I also started to have another dream career, I wanted to become a musician. However I realized that my piano and violin skills are seriously lacking behind as compared to my friends. Even if I want to become a musician, I believed that I could only dream about it.

I carried on and studied architecture in the hopes of my father though I wanted to apply for the interior designer. He kept telling me that interior design is not as good as architecture so I chose architecture as my first choice and entered into that course.

However I don't like this course that I studied so after I graduate last year, I decided to work as an interior design course. I have to admit that I love that job but I don't want to become a duplicate of my dad. It is seriously very pressurizing to have my dad's shadow following me everywhere.

I gave up that job and continue to pursue music. Never did I expected that I would enroll into Lasalle! Oh my god! Something that I always leave it in my dreams actually became a reality.

Currently because I needed to earn some school fees so I went to become a violin teacher. So unexpected that I became a teacher myself.

Life is seriously full of surprises. Jobs that I wanted to do when I was young actually all came true! But I left with one goal that I had not achieved.

I wanted to become a successful composer! Hopefully one day I could sell my song.

I finally have a lifelong career that I wanted. I wanted to be a musician till the day I leave this world.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

對自己比對陌生人還要冷酷

我是一個對自己比對陌生人還要冷酷的人。 

我發現我第一次對自己的排斥是出自於自己的不完美。 

我沒能和我的哥哥有著一樣的待遇所以我比他更加努力。 

我告訴我自己功課一定要比他還要好,我告訴我自己音樂一定要比他還要好等等。 

這麼一來可能我的父母還有婆婆可以認同我。 

我一直徘徊在有沒有人認同我的存在感而感到難過。 

我曾經一度排斥我的中文名字。 

以前我常常問自己司徒子佳的子是在望子成龍嗎? 

後來我聽說我的名字是從我哥哥名字那兒改了一點而形成的。 

聽起來也好不到哪裡去,但總比望子成龍來得好。 

後來我也發現這是一件無聊又毫無意義的事,因為一山還有一山高。 

如果我的目標一直處在於我的哥哥的成就上,那麼我將永遠無法成長。 

還有問題出在於我的成績一直以來都比他好,音樂也比他好,其實也沒什麼好比的。

Friday, April 6, 2012

LASALLE Enrollment

Today is a public holiday (Good Friday) so everyone is resting at home! In addition to that, today is my dad's birthday! Happy birthday dad!

2 days ago I went to LASALLE to submit my school fees so it is confirmed that I have enrolled into the school. I am so happy!

On 31st of March they were having their 1st audition and I was super anxious as they did not inform me. So the day before, I called them and asked them when is my audition scheduled. To my surprise, they said that I do not need to go for the audition/interview. I was very shocked! Asking myself: "Am I not chosen for the course?!" After a few seconds, I felt very relieved to hear that I have entered into the course without having to go for their audition/interview! I kept asking: "Really?!" to have it confirmed as I couldn't believe my ears.

I have been wondering since that day if there is actually a audition/interview for students wanting to enroll into the music technology course. Maybe a portfolio is good enough? Anyway anything is just fine, if I were to go for the audition/interview, I would be shivering when the time comes.

Before I hung up the phone, the lady said she would send me the forms for enrollment later in the afternoon. Since then I have been checking the email every few hours worrying that I have heard wrongly. 2 to 3 days later, the letter of the enrollment has arrived at my mail box. I was like oh?! Why do I need to check my email every few hours when they sent me by postage.

After filling up and preparing the school fees, I went down to the school to submit my forms and fees. After that, I went to meet Anita in town.

I am so so looking forward to going to school! LASALLE here I come!

When I was in 1st year or 2nd year of poly, I visited LASALLE to do a project. I took pictures and drew some sketches of the building. I did not know that I am going to study there now. At that time I was wondering why my school doesn't have a nice building like LASALLE.

Woah life is full of surprises!  

It is such a nice school! School is opening on August and it is full of mystery to me now. I am so curious what is going to happen on the 1st day of school.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Options given from Money Cheater

I've been thinking of how to solve the money cheater issue for the past 3 days and I need to come out with a decision today because this is so so vexing!  Is this something that you have to learn at one part of your life? Money and people with no moral values.

There is a saying that we will keep thinking and saying about someone who is important to you and this unimportant person should be deleted from me.

He gave me 2 options:

A) He ask me to continue the lessons and finish the final project which he deeply believe that I could not finish it.

B) He ask me to learn singing from one of his students.

If I am given another option, I would choose to run away because I don't feel like seeing him. But no no no, running away cannot solve the problems and he owns me 13 hours and 45 minutes. My parents also don't agree with this option. But seriously who will be so thick skin to own people that many hours and still don't return me my $100 deposit. Oh ya! I should pay him only $168 instead of $268 last week!

I would be stupid if I choose B though I don't have to see him. I would just do the final project regardless whether he can finish teaching or not. So ok I choose A. So annoying.

Starting it starts off with the unwilling to let go the $100 deposit and now it has added another 0 behind. Ok Abigail starting from today you should handle money with proper care. A little lost is better than a bigger lost so don't be greedy.

Every encounter are life lessons and experiences that I have to overcome and learn so I might as well forgive myself for making such a big mistake. My ignorant and impulsive behavior has resulted to this. I should have know that when I look at such a bad insulation and the way he talk so fast until I am unable to react are instincts that tell me to think through first. Instincts can save me in one way or another but I chose not to believe it.

Dear Abigail, what have you learn today?

1) When you feel something amiss, just let it go instead of thinking about the deposit.
2) People who are thick skin and have no moral values, act ignorant and end this. If it does not work, occasionally shoot an arrow at him but don't shoot too many at one time.
3) My dad say: “对人讲人话,对鬼讲鬼话。” 老爸你说得对,我干吗要对一只鬼讲人话。
4) Few months ago Sam Ker's dad say: “有时候道德要随着事件而改变,不用直直的跟着,有时候你可以婉转一点。”

Dear damn you,

I will endure u for another 13 hours and 45 minutes and no more. You better return me my $100/-.

From my deepest sincerity,
 Abigail Seto

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Money Cheater!

Yesterday I was super super happy because when I called LASALLE, they said I am chosen to enroll into LASALLE! *Clap hands* But I need to receive a confirmation email to confirm this so I will just save this happy event for another post.

But sadly, after I receive this happy news, I have to head to my music arrangement class and it totally flared me up. Yes he is the same person as the previous post "Respect." When he came out of the class to ask me to go in, not long after he mentioned: "Did you bring your last school fees?" I was thinking what a money face he is and I replied I did.

Usually I have to pay the fees for 4 lessons every month regardless whether the lesson is cleared or not on that month. So at the end of the course we will accumulate a certain amount of hours which have not been cleared. In addition to that like I am late for 15 mins or he is late for 15 to 30 mins, it is also added to the hours that are not cleared. What I find ridiculous is that he said we have to extend the course because there is not enough time to finish the course and I have to pay the fees as usual.

Excuse me! Why would I need to do that? The course clearly stated that it is 9 months and you should just clear it, why would you request for more money?! He also say that he needed to extend the course so in the end my mum gave him a call.

The conclusion after she called was we would extend a month because we have to give a month notice. I was finding it so so weird! The hours that he had owe me should be around a month and now I am giving him a month notice. Is this not call a month notice? My mum was thinking let's put an end to this and just give him the school fee.

Then yesterday, he sat down and calculated the hours he owe me and it was 11 hours! And I gave him another month school fee so now in total, he owe me 13 hours 45 minutes! I will just bold it big  

13 hours 45 minutes!

He is very thick skin! Another way of saying is he owe me 3 months plus of lessons. Stupid enough he said that it is not enough to clear the things he wanted to teach me. Excuse me but why? Just finish off with the main points and end this misery of mine can? 

If I extend this course right, won't it be like forever he is owing me the lessons he missed.

Usually I respect my teachers so I will not talk back or whatever. But yesterday I talked back to him and in a louder tone and it sounded that I am insulting him and scolding him. When I scold people, usually it is not like this. Yesterday I just merely stating the truth but in a louder volume than I usually speak to him.

Actually I wanted to keep it anonymous but to prevent people from getting cheated I would just say that it is a music school near Chinatown MRT station. 

So beware!

So in the end, I apologized for my behavior to him but I so not going to apologize to him for the things I have said. He asked me to forgot about what has happen yesterday but who will forgot seriously... He must be thinking I am gullible.

I am upset with myself for flaring up but I will not be upset for hurting you please...

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Respect

I seriously think that people should respect one another and not force their thoughts on other people. Even though on the surface I do not look like my flames are burning, but actually inside me the lava is already seeping out.

Recently I encountered this private teacher of mine who is very forceful. But what made me pissed off is that he said that my vocal teacher is lousy and he is better. I was sitting there smiling back to him and at the same time analyzing his problematic character.

Last month I approached him to help me to record my portfolio, he seemed very uninterested. So I said if he did not want to help, I can always ask other music teachers to help me. But it really does not make any sense to me since I am submitting my arrangement for the enrollment. When he heard that, he immediately changed his mind. He decided to help me and I was relieved.

He then started to quote me but that time I was dumb and I did not know that I was cheated. I went to another studio and found out that their equipments are far more better and have better insulation which is $10/- lesser than what he quoted. He stated that he had given me a student price and what the hell is this call a student price?! See I got cheated by my own teacher and I am very dumb.

After that, I went to an equipment shop and asked the shop keeper why the interface I bought could not connect to my condenser mic. He replied and said that my interface has no phantom power. That interface was recommended by my teacher and why didn't he tell me? In case you do not know, condenser mic can only be connected to an interface that has a phantom power.

-_-" *Dots....*

When I started to learn from him last year, I realized something very awkward. He claimed that I am having individual classes so he collected individual school fees from me. But there are 3 rooms so sometimes he was walking in and out within these 3 rooms, teaching me and his 2 other vocal and composing students at the same time. This is the first time I have encounter something so amazing because none of my teachers did that.

In addition to that, I always have to confirm my lessons on the day itself. I was wondering he must be thinking that I live beside the school when the fact that I need to take an hour to go there. I find this very amazing so after 2 months I approached him and gave him a month notice that I would stop learning. My excuse was I was working so my time could not make it to the time he arranged. Then he shocked me. He used a very loud tone and questioned me why I am reprimanding him.  I am speechless and felt threatened, as usual I am a coward so I continue learning from him.

He thought my ears were deaf and he was scolding me to some other guy on the next door. See how bad his insulation was and how can he quote until so expensive. I seriously don't get it at all.

Just beware as some music schools are out there to cheat money.

Friday, March 16, 2012

My Personal Diary

I do keep a diary and I wrote lots of encouraging words to myself. :D But I just left it there lying in a corner after starting to write my thoughts in a blog and use twitter :( Basically my diary is full of positive things so I guess I will just share it!

16/6/2010
人生就像波浪一样一波三折。
不可能风平浪静,一帆风顺。
只有逆水行舟,才能让小船到达最终的目的地。

16/6/2010
人生就像一部戏,但不是本土,偶像,韩,喜剧等等。
我就是我人生的导演。
我就是我生活里的演员。
我就是我故事里的主角。
人生就是自己创造出来的戏剧。

26/8/2010
人生就像是在爬山一样,
爬的越高就越辛苦。
可是只要踏出第一步,
就会离顶端越近,
总比原封不动来的好。
到达顶端的时候,
就会觉得一切是值得的。

26/8/2010
跌倒了没关系,
人就是学会跌倒才懂得爬起来。
就算伤口已变成了疤痕,
但是只要乐观的面对,
那道疤痕已不再是疤痕,
而是学习过程时留下来的记号。

15/10/2011
前进,前进,一直前进,
只要努力向前前进,
才能不断地向前前进!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

On Fire!

This story has happened for quite some time already, it happened when I was in poly 2nd year. My cousin asked me to watch "Paranormal Activity" with him and his counselor. I was like ok let's go and watch this midnight movie. But when I came home, I seriously could not sleep that night and was constantly thinking about the demon pulling the main lead's leg. OH MY! The scene of the movie just kept on circulating in my head and I finally get to sleep when it was 5am or 6am in the morning.


The next morning around 10am or 11am, my mum kept shouting "On fire! On fire!" and woke me up. I was thinking "Why must you be so noisy and I want to sleep, use water and put off the fire la." But seriously it was too noisy that I have to get up. When I walked out of the bedroom, I was stunned. As in really stunned and blanked out. The fire was coming from my store room and the flames were spilling out from the door. I finally understood why it could not be put out by water. The scene of the paranormal activity flashed across my head, the main lead's house was once on fire too. Stupid to think of that because I just woke up and still thinking about that show.

After a few minutes, I came to my senses and grabbed my mother. I asked her where the maid was as her room was actually the store room! My mum ignored me. Then I asked again and she finally replied: "She went to the market with my dad." I was relieved to hear that she was not caught in the fire.


The next thing that came to my mind was to escape! Escape! (So cowardly as how I seemed to be.) So I walked towards the entrance while I saw some people trying to save the fire. Apparently when I was sleeping, a guy who was selling insurance to my mum happened to be at my house. He was also kind of lucky to encounter this. So this insurance seller together with my elder brother, cousin and mum was trying to save the fire. As I walked towards the entrance, my mum asked me to contact my dad and she passed me the phone.

I was too shocked that I could not stand still so I squat at the entrance while I saw my cousin running out to get a pail. Apparently one of my Indian neighbour came out standing at the corridor as my cousin approached her. She asked "What happen? What happen?" My cousin replied: "Fire! Fire!" She said: "Is it true?" My cousin was looking kind of pissed and replied: "Ya! The! Do you have a pail?" Finally she understood that the situation was real so she quickly went to get a pail for us.


On the other hand, I was squatting down thinking that calling my dad was useless so I dialed 995. As I dialed the phone, my hands were shivering and I could not speak properly over the phone but it seemed that they understood what I was talking about. Then I walked back to my house and see whether I could be of any help. I went to fetch the pail while waiting for the water to fill up the pail.

At the same time, the fire was burning furiously. The four people who was in the house trying to save the fire were running all over the place to get the pail. Then my mum went up to me and asked me if I called my dad, I replied that I had not. She was annoyed by it and asked me to pass the phone to her. I was thinking that my dad could not save the fire, only the fireman could do that so I called the fireman. What is wrong with that?!

Gradually neighbours living upstairs and downstairs came to my house and took a look. They also brought their pails with them not long after. But the fire was still burning! My mum went out to look for the hose reel but the door jammed! Shit! She walked in and out twice. The second time she came out, I was standing beside her and I saw the fire alarm! I just smashed the fire alarm glass without thinking and pressed it. The lift at my block stopped working. We were then alarmed by the fire alarm and I forgot what we did after that. Not long after the guard came up and opened the jammed door. He took the hose reel and helped out put out the fire. We were saved! The fire was put out!

Then 2 fire engines came! I was shocked! Oops maybe it was because I dialed once and my neighbour helped to dial once too. The problem lies with the fire has already been put off and why were they there? Finally, my dad came home with the maid. The maid looked total stunned as her room has been burned. Not long later, the policemen came. They asked me something which made me felt funny. They asked me if I need an ambulance as I used my bare hands to break the fire alarm glass. Of course I replied "I do not need it." My mum was slightly burned by the fire but she did not need the ambulance too.

The aftermath of this was the storeroom and utility room was burned and flooded with water. The water pipe at the utility burst but water could still be used. The DV box was the cause of the fire so we had no electricity. So we had temporary lights all over the house and our nice house looked devastated. Not long later I messaged Sam Wee, Mel and Mar to tell them my house was burned. Apparently I went to stay at Wee's house for 2 days so I'm so thankful for her hospitality. I guess the reason why the fire was so big is because the storeroom had a few bottles of cooking oil.

What did this accident tell me? It tells me to change my DV more often so it won't catch fire.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Making the Correct Decisions

The next few posts most likely I would be sharing my stories because I need to lighten my backpack or because I just feel like sharing.

I really love to play piano a lot a lot. But there was a time when I was suffering from severe stress. When I was in Secondary school, I was having classes like piano, violin, music theory and having tuition of course after school. When I was in school, I would go to participate in my CCA, which is concert band after class. Sounds crazy and I did mention it in my previous post. When I just entered Secondary school, my school results was pretty fine. But as mentioned above, I was so busy that my results dropped. I was so so so devastated.

In addition to that, I lost my best friend because we quarreled and I seriously did not know how to get along with my classmates. That time it seemed like I get along with my classmates but in my heart I felt like rejecting them. Even if I wanted to talk to them and share with them the stress I am facing, they did not understand. Ok I can understand why they did not get it, and who ask me to be so busy? All of them would reply to me like that.


If you have read one of my previous post, my violin teacher asked me to continue learning violin. So I did not give up. I ended up approaching my piano teacher. I told her I was very stressed and I wanted to give up learning piano. After the lesson ended, she went up to me and said a few sentences that have impacted me. She told me that she could see that I really love to play piano and if I give up it would be too pitiful. The words of persuasion she used made me stopped and thought about it. She asked me to go home and reconsider first.

So I went home to reconsider and recall the time when my dad objected me to play piano, how much passion I have shown him to let me play and all those stuff that was not easy to come by. Piano was not easy to come by, and just persuading my dad to let me learn how to play the piano took 4 years. Then I came up with the solution and it was to leave concert band. This is the final solution and I meant it.


Woah then 3 teachers came up to me when I wanted to leave the CCA. I was like "What are all the teachers doing? Are they trying to drive me crazy?" I made this decision because I have thought through and left with no other choice. School teachers just don't get it and yes I don't like to blow the clarinet so I came up with this decision and what is wrong with it. Out of 3 of the teachers, 1 of them was my form teacher, she happened to be best friend with the band in charge teacher. Why so kaypo? So my form teacher talked to my mum and said if I leave the concert band, she have to ensure that my results will become better. My mum agreed to set me free because she saw that I was suffering.

Then few months later, my English result dropped and my form teacher suan me in front of the class. From that day onwards I don't like CCA and find it troublesome and I find that school teachers are annoying. Sorry to say that but my English result also did not become better until 3 months before my 'O's my mum hired an English tutor for me. The English tutor made me understand better and I started to stop rejecting English.


If I did not recall wrongly, one of the teachers also mentioned why I have to learn a lot of things. Meaning they wanted me to continue staying in band and give up my outside lessons. This is how I analyzed: I have been staying in band for 3 years, I have learned what I needed to learn and of course it benefited me. But blow clarinet can get me no where. Most of the music that I have arranged so far have piano and strings, there is once I have tried to add clarinet in it and it sounded so weird. Maybe it is because I do not know how to make it better, oh well...

I really love to play piano so I did not give up until today. Lucky I made the correct decision at that time, or else I would regret. If you have so many things in your hands and you have to give up one which one would you choose? Of course you would choose the least beneficial and something you do not enjoy the most right? Shi bu shi ma.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Saying Bye

Last Saturday, my lyrics teacher was talking about someone who has left the world. Every time this topic arises, I felt like crying. During the class, when she mentioned about someone leaving the world, the first thing that come across my mind was my grandfather's death and next my grandaunt's death.

My grandfather's death actually did not really impact me a lot. It also seemed like my siblings and cousins were not affected by it. The only one that was seriously affected by this incident was my father. I still remember the day after my grandfather passed away, my dad was sitting at the dining table crying like mad. He kept blaming himself and said to himself why he did not save his father. I still remember that strong guilt that he kept in his heart and this is what has affected me. I felt really sad about it. So whenever I talked about my grandfather I would not have much emotions but whenever I was about to talk about my dad, I cannot control my tears. It just flows down.


 Another person was my grandaunt. My grandmother used to be very bias and my grandaunt was the one who used to protect me. Whenever she came to my house I was super super happy. She was like a superwoman who came to my rescue. Then her health starts to deteriorate when she slipped and fall. That is why old people should avoid slipping. From then on, she stopped coming to my house because she has got difficulty walking. Few years has passed and I went to study Secondary school, she finally came to my house. I was so happy and was scootering all over the house, but I don't know how to talk to her so I just kept smiling. Toot right?! Yes! And that was the last time I met her. After that day, I heard from my parents that her health was getting from bad to worse and I tried to ignore it. Until one day, I simply cannot remember when, I heard the news from my parents that she has passed away. I thought I would be ok with it but tears flow down my eyes when I tried to get to sleep. Though I don't feel sad but I missed her that's why I cried. I know that when she is gone here, there is a better place for her after she has left us.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Walking Out of My Depressing State

Writing songs... Being emo is actually essential in my opinion. I admit that I used to be super emo, I mistrust people to the max and I hated those people who had hurt me in the past. Until today, though I have learned to trust people and erased H-A-T-E from my brain, I am still very cautious with handling people around me because I am scared. I felt this part of me very useless.


I started writing songs just because of the fun of it and I actually forget about it. I kept remembering that I started to write songs because I had no outlet for my negative emotions and song writing is my only hope. I thought I could not survive and writing songs saved me. The first few songs that I wrote sounds like a children song until the day I became very unhappy that I could not smile anymore.

That was also the period of time when people around me said that my songs are not that bad at all. As time started to pass, it became that I was an emo person so I wrote songs. People tend to like sad songs and I wonder why, I have saved lots of Korean songs in my Iphone as they do not sound as depressing as Chinese songs. 


A lot of people around me wanted to instill positivity in me, but it seemed like their advices bounced back to them right in their face and I did not notice. Out of these people, there are 2 person who put in lots of effort to "save" me and they are my mum and violin teacher. I did not know that my replies from a word improve to a sentence and to 10 sentences would make my violin teacher felt relieved. I did not know that from the day that I did not smile till the day I smiled to him and laughed at the words he said made him shocked. I did not know that he was glad when I shared about the things that I do with him.

My mum is my mum so she cares for me, sometimes I also asked myself why did my teacher helped me so much. I realized that is because he wanted to see me improve I guess. But really, out of all the teachers I have met he is a very very caring teacher and I doubt that any teacher will treat you this nice.


There was once when my violin teacher prepared a concert for his students and asked some of his students to perform. I was studying Secondary 3 then. I remembered that as usual I went for my violin classes and had zero confidence in myself that I could not play a violin. It was that bad. Then he suggested that I should go on stage to play the violin, I guess he did not know that I was in the concert band and I had stage experiences. But I could blow a clarinet in school because I had my friends with me but to go to a violin concert with nobody I knew was so terrifying, especially going up to perform something that I was so lousy at.

Before I opened my mouth he said "Ok! You will go ahead and perform." and I was like WHAT?! So I went ahead to practice with 11 other people. When I looked at all those people who was younger than me played far more better than me, my confidence dropped from zero to negative.


Few days later, I called my teacher telling him that I would give up playing violin. I could not clearly remember what he had said, the topic was mainly I should carry on learning. Now it sounded like I am from the strawberry group. From the conversation, I still can remember he said: “子佳,这是我第一次听到你跟我说那么多话,很好!我要你继续拉琴,你继续拉的话如果将来找不到工作你还可以教人拉琴,找口饭吃。你这个人就是要有人来逼你,我现在逼你拉琴你将来一定会感谢我的。” I was dizzy after hearing that and felt that tremendous stress. After the concert ended, I also did not appreciate what he has did. I just did not understand him.


A few years had passed and I went to poly. Initially I did not want to join CCA because I want to relax and enjoy life. But after thinking it through, yes I should not disappoint him so I went to join the strings ensemble. I met 2 close friends of mine there and we 3 were very close then. Now I seriously don't know. We started talking about my teacher and I was wavering whether I should introduce them to my teacher and let them learn from him. My character change a lot when I was in sec to poly, if I introduce them to my teacher, they would know the side of me that they never know.

Our friendship became very stable and close so I say ok I would bring them to see my teacher. Very childish... Ya why did I think that way? Seriously... The first ever day I brought my friends to my teacher he was so happy that I have friends. I was like huh? What is there to be happy about? So it just came out that both of them was accepted as his students. One of them called Anita is still learning from him and she seems to be liking my teacher a lot.


In the end, I left the CCA after the concert. I felt that my mission has accomplished and I was unhappy there. My ultimate mission when I enter poly is to become a happy person. Oh no... it seemed that from the day the unhappiness circulating at the CCA extended to my classroom made me an unhappy person again.

After I graduate from poly, I realized that no matter where you are or how unhappy the people around you, don't let them affect you. I also realized that when I help others too much, I was hoping someone to help me in return and ended up nobody help me. This caused a great disappointment. To reduce this disappointment, now before I lend my helping hand I would tell myself: "I am doing a charity and I cannot expect anything in return. If I still feel uncomfortable, I would not help no matter how much I want to." I always have the tendency to help people solve their worries as fast as possible without solving mine first and this has to put a stop to it. That is why when people ask me to help them, no matter who, I am having inner conflicts with myself because I have to help them. No don't do that Abigail!


Oh ya back to my teacher! After so many years had passed, I started to appreciate what he has did for me. He is really a very good teacher.


Before I have noticed, I realized that I have written too much for this post. Actually I started off wanting to write about "Depressing people should not think that because I write songs so I am depressing." That is so so wrong! Have you ever think that if you are a depressing person, won't the people around you will get affected by your disease? Even though I don't mind making friends with depressing people but if I mix with them for too long I would get spread by them. I have been trying so hard to stand on my feet and reach my ultimate goal which is "Be a happy person", so I do not want to get push back to the starting point.

When I am depressed, yes I write songs. But after the period of time I finish writing, I tell myself to let it go. The same actually goes to twitter, sometimes I write emo things but after writing I revived myself. But one of my friend I find her very funny is that she would ask me how am I and she was worried about me. I told her nothing but she kept asking. Don't worry nothing is really nothing.

I would just conclude here! Bye!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Interesting week

These few days I am experiencing lots of interesting stories. Though I have been updating my twitter most of the time but I have not been updating my blog. -_-

Let's rewind!

My health is always a big problem to me and I have visited the doctor many times, then I came to a conclusion that my illness cannot be cured so I just left it as how it is for years. I am suffering from gastric problems, cramps everywhere and digestion problems. Until recently I am suffering from headache. Yes it sounds serious so I am left with no choice but to visit a doctor.

I visited my uncle who is a Chinese doctor and he said that I have low blood pressure which resulted to cramps, indigestion, headache and dizziness. In addition to that, as usual I have my gastric problems. Maybe you may know that Chinese medicine need to take some time for one to be fully recovered so I have to visit the doctor more frequently after I eat finish my medicine. I find this troublesome but oh well... This shows that I have not been taking care of myself.

I thought this will be the end of it. But no! Since the week before my piano teacher lost her voice and has been coughing throughout the lesson. Every time she coughed, I would turn and look at her thinking:" Don't spread to me! Don't spread to me!" In the end, YES! She spread her virus to me! -_-" So yesterday I went to visit my uncle again and I am diagnosed with H1N3. Don't worry, this flu is currently very common in Singapore. But if it gets worse, I will have to be quarantined. Let's pray for my recovery! T_T

Let's stop with the illnesses, viruses and sicknesses.

Last Tuesday I went to Millet Music School opened by my vocal teacher. It has been such a long time that I actually have the feeling that I am attending vocal classes. He brief us that this September we would be taking LCM pop vocal exams, therefore we would have to tighten our belts and prepare for it. So go go go!

I have also received a letter from ABRSM stating that my piano exam is on 1st of March, so GO! GO! GO! again.

Nice stories also have a day when it will come to an end. My lyrics class has ended last Thursday, but I do not feel like it has ended already as there are still follow-up classes though. To commemorate our last lesson, we took a class photo.


Last Saturday is also a fun and interesting day. It's my friend's 21st birthday. So sweet! I had a lot of fun and of course we took some photo too!




Of course we must not miss 14 February Valentines' day right?! Sad is that I am still single. But I am dragged into making chocolate the day before Valentine by my fellow friends.

During Valentines' day, I went to Malaysia again. I did not take any photo as it was the same places I went to like the last time. However there is something different! The wanton noodle is just amazing! The noodles are very soft and bouncy! The meat and wanton are soft and nice. *Yum* *Yum*! I went there in the morning and came back in the evening so there was not much we can do.

I guess I will stop here for today! So bye!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm amazed by this! & Happy CNY!

I am seriously amazed by this group. They are seriously amazing and I kept repeating the video again and again.



I prefer "Fame" as compared to "The Boys." Oh my god... when they sang "Fame!" It sounds so nice and warm as though it has touched my heart. I am going to cry... It is not because the song is sad but the way they sang "Fame" is too beautiful that you will feel like crying. Or maybe I'm exaggerating? But seriously I am engross with the beautiful voices they have and their harmony is just so outstanding that I felt like standing up to clap and wave my hands.

It is such a pity that they could not form a group after this competition. I really love them very much!

I am going to wish you a belated Happy Chinese New Year! Have you had fun? I went to my relatives' house to pay a happy visit. Hmm perhaps I did have fun but I spent most of my time composing and arranging, I just arranged finish a song named "Friend or Foe" few days back. I finished writing this song on the 8th of January but because I am learning how to use FL Studio so it took some time. Because of this song, I spent most of the time thinking of the past when I am not supposed to be doing this during Chinese New Year. I wrote this song when I was thinking about my grandfather and the times how my family pull through. My thoughts started to grow wild, it is like you keep entering into an endless tunnel but do not know when the tunnel will end. As I recalled the past, I started to connect to the present. I am seriously thinking too much. I realised that my dad used to dote on me a lot when I was in Primary school. As I entered into Secondary school, me and my dad started to drift further away. I felt so sad that tears just flow down from my eyes. Good enough my emo did not go to waste. The next day, my inspiration struck me and I wrote finish another song the day before, but I have not written the lyrics yet. I have written an apologetic song for my dad after reflecting on what I did. It just happen that 13 to 18 years old is a time for human being to be rebellious. Ok E-X-C-U-S-E!

So I'm working on this song now... Isn't it suppose to be Chinese New Year and I am thinking about this, however during Chinese New Year I am happy at one minute the next minute I can be emo and the next one minute I am happy again. I am weird.

Ok I am off track again and this is supposed to be an amazed topic, so be amazed by SuuPearls like I did! Bye!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Johor Muar Malaysia

I went to my granny's new house at Johor Muar, Malaysia, on Tuesday. I took some photos! She is so freaking happy that she has a new house!









Saturday, January 14, 2012

仙人掌


無能又需要幫助的我要如何在她的身上灑滿痊癒人心的種子?
我沒辦法。
因為我是一個仙人掌。
我只能在我的周邊建起我的王國,
吸引更多仙人掌的伙伴在我傍邊生長。
養育我的仙人掌是這麼教育我的,
我無法從一朵花的角度來看待事物。
長滿刺的我,
是我原本的面貌。
去掉刺以後的我由誰來保護,
那絕對不可能是你。
無人曉得流過的眼淚,
保存之後,
就是使我茁壯成長的營養。
不需要細心呵護而綻放美麗的花朵,
只需要不要有任何毒藥放進我的盆栽裡就能使我快樂的成長。
雖然我不像花一樣美麗,
但是我可以確定的是我比較堅強。
你不覺得仙人掌比玫瑰花帶有更多吸引力嗎?

Friday, January 13, 2012

拐杖

有時候的我無法用自己的雙腳站穩,
我需要一把拐杖在旁扶持。
雖然拐杖同時也支撐我的重量,
其實她也需要我來扶持她。
可是沒有她,
我會開始凸顯我的微不足道,
我無法用雙腳感受地板的溫度。
我只能用我的雙手來感受那冰冷的地面,
一直在原地自我打轉。

A visit to the dentist


I went to the dentist today morning and my dentist say that I have 2 stubborn teeth that are not moving well enough therefore I have to wear the Invisalign for another 32 weeks. My reaction was: "Huh... So long." He replied: "Yes I know it is very long. Because we want to have a better result. Just treat it as you are wearing retainers." So for a better result, I have to endure for another 32 weeks. Actually wearing Invisalign does not cause too much pain to my gum except for once when I changed a week earlier due to miscalculations. It does cause some inconvenience, the movement of the teeth caused my teeth to become weak and I cannot eat nuts or popcorn. Honestly I cannot really bite properly as there is a gap between my upper and lower rows of teeth. What to do... I want to have a nice smile. :D

The difference between Invisalign and braces is that one is invisible and one is not. I also have heard that when you are having ulcers, wearing braces would cause a lot of pain. However this does not happen when I am wearing Invisalign so far, I have no issues with the pain caused by ulcers. Hmmm... Initially I thought that if I wear Invisalign, my speech would not be affected. Oh no no no, that is wrong. My words pronunciation has become worse, especially when I speak Chinese. I used to have some people correcting my English but it seems that I have been receiving corrections for my Chinese now. Lastly I would like to point out the most troublesome situation when I am wearing Invisalign. Before I eat, I would always need to find a toilet to take my Invisalign out and wash them. It can be troublesome.   


Ok after wearing for quite some time, I am going to calculate when I am going to finish this treatment. Supposedly before I wore it, the dentist said that he would give me 20 sets and each set I have to wear for 2 weeks.

Originally I have to wear for: 40 weeks

Few months ago, my teeth are not moving as fast as it was planned to so I wore a set for an additional 2 more weeks. After that before I flew to Adelaide, I was wearing my 18th set and I visited the dentist. He told me to hold on to this set of Invisalign first as there are refinements to be made. They took a mould from me once again and sent to US. It dragged until today the dentist placed the attachments back again.

18 sets x 2 weeks = 36 weeks
36 weeks + 2 weeks = 38 weeks
38 + 7 weeks of waiting = 45 weeks


Therefore I have been wearing the Invisalign for 45 weeks, ok that is sad. And now... I have to wear another


16 x 2 weeks = 32 weeks!


Total I have to wear for

45 weeks + 32 weeks = 77 weeks, 37 weeks more than it was initially planned.

I don't know why but I felt cheated... what is this feeling.... though I do not need to pay extra charges.

Sometimes I can be not so niao (calculative) but sometimes wearing this is troublesome. I have to be niao and calculate this.

32 weeks later would be on the 17 August 2012 if nothing went wrong.

I am going to keep note of this date.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

杯子

杯子是圓的,裡面也是空的。

外表看起來凡是都是圓滿的,但是還是隔著一層玻璃。

他也是透明的,也容易破碎。


就因為被看透,才會突顯自己的脆弱。

用堅強來填滿不會感到空虛。

同時也可以把自己的堅強分享給其他還沒填滿的杯子。

Friday, January 6, 2012

Snail


I always see myself like a snail, sometimes a useless snail.

I always crawl very slowly and everyone is always faster and smarter than me.

A snail is worse than a tortoise because it's smaller in size, no one can see you without opening their eyes big enough.

If I'm unlucky, somebody may just step and squash on me. This shows how useless my shell is too.

A snail is also very slimy and people who don't appreciate me may think I'm disgusting.

Stupid enough, sometimes my slimy body may leave stain on the places I have been to which will enable others to track me down.

When I'm scared, I would always hide in my shell.

When I'm shy, I would also hide in my shell.

When I'm sad, I would hide in my shell too.

Why do I have to hide in my shell when knowing my shell is useless?

On flat land, I crawl freaking slow. Uphill, I crawl even slower.

But! I know how to stick without dropping off on a vertical wall unlike others.

I want a snail to run as fast as the lightning.

Can a snail ever run as fast as the lightning or this is just hallucination? I want a snail to run as fast as the lightning.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dreaming for a new room

As stated above, I am currently dreaming for a new room. I seriously hope to shift to a bigger house where I can have my own room. In this case, I do not need to share a room with my grandmother. I am not going to say anything bad or what but my granny is very sensitive, in case any of you read this and knows my grandmother, please keep it to yourself. I am just mere complaining. Or before you want to read this, don't read it.


My grandmother she is kind of bias but sad enough I am the only girl so it is kind of awkward to share a room with both my brothers. In the end I have been sharing room with her for 6 years. I always know that she feel I have invaded her room and she expresses it in an obvious manner every time. Originally before I shifted to my grandmother's room, I slept in my parents' room. Then I felt that I did not want to share a room with them any longer as I did not enjoy sleeping on the floor, I wanted a bed. So my dad agreed and went to IKEA and bought me a double-deck bed with my bed at the top and my table beneath. Maybe you would know that IKEA's furniture are not lasting so when I was sleeping, my bed sway from side to side as though like an earthquake. Every night I would wake up at least twice and felt super tired. Oh yes! There was once there was a real minor earthquake and my dining lamp was swaying from side to side but I was sound asleep. I guess that is because I was too tired that I didn't wake up because of that bed. This lousy bed caused me to have sleepless night for 4 years that I went back sleeping on the floor again.


Another reason I felt uncomfortable is because my grandmother always think that my table is messy so I could not put my books on the table. She seriously have high expectations to cleanliness. In addition to that she slept at 8pm or 9pm so that table is seriously useless and I did not really use it except in the morning before I go to school. When I was preparing for my 'O's, I seriously felt that she was unhappy as I would turn on the lamp. However she had no choice but to understand that study is important. After my 'O's, I try to be understanding so if I happen to leave my things on my table, I would have to use a torchlight and shine in the dark to find my things. In the end, she got me a better torchlight as my torch-lights always break down.  


Until recently! I got my new bed! I was super happy! Actually when I was working at the previous firm, I would always look out for a better bed for myself. Then I finally found a bed that could have storage underneath so I would not have to invade my grandmother's space. I was thinking this would be a good idea and my dad expressed great agreement to what I have said. Therefore he went to find the bed for me. Thanks to my dad, he caused a chill that went down my spine. He said that he wanted to buy a new bed for my grandmother too but from my point of view, old people tend to like the original stuff they have. Seriously after the bed came, my grandmother did express her unhappiness.

My dad also mentioned that he wanted to paint the room as there were crack lines on the wall and it resulted to renovating the room. How did it get there? I seriously did not know as I just followed along with my dad's opinion. My grandmother as what I understand was even frustrated as the maid did most of the cleaning and she was busy packing her stuff. Life was seriously tough for her at that time and her granddaughter who shared a room with her do not enjoy cleaning. Ok I admit I did not help out... the maid did most of the things, I only packed my own stuff. Then finally the renovation was done and my dad did another shocking thing. He asked my grandmother to throw away her precious table and decided to make her a new one. My grandmother eyes nearly killed me with one stare. That was seriously scary and I did persuade my dad not to change but my dad did not listen. Oh my god...



All along my mum wanted to shift my clothes over to my grandmother's room as they wanted to renovate the study room for both my brothers. There wasn't enough space to put another bed that is why one of my brother is still sleeping on the floor. After the renovation, my mum wanted to shift my clothes to my grandmother's closet. There are 2 closets so my mum thought that it would be okay to use up one when originally my grandmother used that to put my brothers' unwanted clothes. My mother seriously find it weird to put my brothers' clothes there but again! My soul nearly flew away when she mentioned to my grandmother about replacing my brothers' clothes with my clothes. My grandmother was unhappy again. So right after the renovation, she put all her unwanted stuff in that closet.

During the period of time when she went back to Malaysia, my mum constantly asked me to shift my clothes to that closet. In the end, my maid shifted it under my mum's instruction, not mine ok. When my grandmother came back and saw my clothes, not to mention she was once again super duper unhappy. In addition to that, she complained that she is too old to push up the bed and put storage underneath her bed and the cabinet is too high for her. Apparently my parents got tired of this and used up all the other left over spaces for their books and my brother's army stuff. This action of theirs seriously was adding fuel to the fire, no... the volcano. I did not want to look at her eyes or talk to her for a few days as that was scary. Until one day when I received my pay I gave her $50 as what my mum suggested. I came out from hell but she still left some of her stuff in the closet.

After this incident, she is now is Malaysia again shifting to her new house and busy with the renovation works there.


Bye! Why do I feel so tired after writing this post, this seriously is making me nervous when typing this. Read and forget people.

Monday, January 2, 2012

2012

Is 2012 the year to welcome the end of the world? I seriously doubt so. I have to confess that I nearly believed it was true due to the movie. However the first time I ever heard of it was from my lecturer during lecture when he started to talk not only about 2012 the end of the world, and also aliens. That time I was like what are you talking about? Then the movie came out and I was once convinced by it. Do you believe it? No I don't.

Today my main topic is to share about my 2012 resolution! So let's start!

1. Pass my piano exam
2. Get my driving license
3. Get into LASALLE
4. Learn how to cook 5 dishes
5. Able to sell one of my songs

That's all! 5 points only but kind of difficult to achieve so all the best to me! I realized that my resolution is only for the 1st half of the year, I seriously need to think what I'm going to do for the 2nd half of the year.
I looked at my clock and realized that time flies really fast. Swoosh! I am already twenty. Now to think of it I don't really have any memory of what in had been doing for the 1st 6 years living on this earth. Is there a deduction to minus the time that I don't remember. Yes there is NO such thing. I watched a show and it told me:

The first 30 years you don't know what to do.
The next 30 years you forget what you need to do.
The last 30 years you regret what you didn't do.

Honestly for the past 20 years I am confused on what I need to do, finding what I want to do which equals to I don't really know what to do. So that show really does make some sense.

Good night!

MY VIDEO!